I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Help. Why am I so naked?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
