Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
