sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Randomize
