the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Randomize
