please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
