I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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