I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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