she was so not down for the gang bang
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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