The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
