I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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