Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
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