I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
