Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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