i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
