i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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