u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
