I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
it's great music for shaving your balls
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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