True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
