How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
