yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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