Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
