I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
