I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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