Can Purell be used as lube?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
