My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
