I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
