: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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