i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
