party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
