I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????