Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.