I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
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He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
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Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.