he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.