Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.