Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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