peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
