Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
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Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
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I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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