he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
