Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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