it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
