There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
So apparently I’m into choking now
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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