you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
