So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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