Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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