Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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