i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
