I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Randomize
