I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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