dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
