mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
