He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
