I can tuck mytits in my pants
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
