Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
