fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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