If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
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I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
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BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
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