I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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