I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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