It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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