his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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