its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
