I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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