...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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