We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
