Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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