then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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