I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
