I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
