Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Mom said you looked used
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
