its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
