I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
