if i can run in heels then i can drive
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
