Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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