her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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